2016 has been a year of trials and celebrations. This year brought my children a birth, a loss, two weddings, a divorce, an acceptance, a baptism, and a turning away. This has been a year that has brought us three changes in companies on the side of our truck. We went through much financial turmoil because of everything, and finally decided to ask for help because of it.
Through it all, I have returned my eyes to seeking Jesus through it all.
However, let's keep it real. I struggle. Each struggle brings other struggles.
I struggle daily with my weight. I struggle with what to eat, when to eat, what to drink, what to plan for eating, etcetera. I struggle with moving. Am I moving enough? Am I moving so much I'll cause myself issues later?
Because of those struggles, I struggle with my self image. Am I attractive to my husband? Am I portraying the confident woman I want to be? Am I showing my daughter that she is beautiful? Am I really beautiful on the inside?
I struggle with our business. Am I doing enough? Should I really be doing this? Am I saving enough? Am I prepared for anything that may come up? Are we doing enough to provide for our household? Because of what we do, have I really given enough time to my daughter?
And most of all I struggle within myself. Am I really even seeking God? Am I praying enough? Am I praying correctly? Am I reading enough? Am I reading the right things? Am I listening to the right things? Am I being faithful to God? To my church family? Am I being a godly wife? Mother? Grandmother?
Are these all my struggles? No. But it is a majority of them.
Yes, I know in my heart that God is the answer to all of my struggles. However, I can't be the only one who struggles. Am I? However, sometimes I feel like the only one crazy enough to admit my feelings. Sometimes I lack the energy to fake it long enough to make it, because let's face it, faking it takes a lot of energy.
So, as we bring a close to 2016, and look forward to 2017, I am going to start a new blog about me. This blog will be my reflections on how imperfect I am, reflecting on His word, reflecting on my successes, and sharing what I learn through it all. I have been looking for God everywhere we go, and I'll share things that remind me of His presence. Please remember this is my personal journey. It isn't a reflection on my husband or my family, but a reflection on me. If you don't agree with something I say, feel free to share your opinions, but I will not get in a discussion about the validity of my feelings. If you are truly concerned about me, pray for me. My journey is my own, not yours. My steps are at my pace.
With all of that said, I am going to bring this to a close and watch the rest of the Clemson game, and then snuggle as the year closes. I pray that through seeking Him the year will be blessed. I hope that sharing my struggles will help someone else who feels alone in their struggles. Thank you for your time and prayers through it all.
